But He Says He Loves Me: How to Avoid Being Trapped in a Manipulative Relationship

I have spent so much money on books - on therapists - on medical bills - on attorneys - due "our" culturally enabled male privilege permitting males their violence to abuse females. A privilege shored up by "our" legal system and mental health professionals who enrich themselves off of victims yet make no inroads to stopping the constantly rising epidemic of male violence against females. Why do males abuse? BECAUSE THEY CAN - OUR LEO'S LET THEM. Dr. McMillan gives valuable info on how abusers deliberately target their prey - no other author does this. Additionally Dr. McMillan gives advice to help those of us who want to be in a loving relationship with a real man who honors females. No other author or lecturer on DV does this. I say go straight to this book - forget the rest. The best way to navigate is to have this info from Dr. McMillan. Keep yourself safe, keep yourself away from the putrid misogynistic law enforcement & the abusive males they continually protect. Keep yourself away from ignorant lazy therapist's that regurgitate the ridiculous notion that abuse is equal opportunity.

I found this book after seeing a TedX talk by the author, an extremely well qualified woman of color. This book is throughly depressing in the first read. It seemed there was no hope of ever having a non abusive relationship. A few of the behaviors identified as abusive I actually find attractive and that scared me.But after some time and during a reread of the part written from the “helper voice,” I saw great affirmation of my decision to walk away from several flirtations. I noticed the techniques used by other people in my life and felt immensely supported and relieved.I also noticed the reoccurring advice to notice all these things in context. ONE instance or trait is not cause to run but cause to pay more attention and remember that it is better to suffer the end of what you thought may be a need met or dream come true than to suffer the living hell sure to come from being with an emotionally abusive man or “friend.”Also it doesn’t matter if it is the abusers intent to be abusive or not! Remember to where the road of good intentions can lead!

Highly informative and well written. It explores the mind of the abuser and intent of manipulative behaviors that are used to assert control over their target.

This is an awesome book for the person who has dealt with people that say they love them then behave In the exact opposite way. Scratch your head no more. You know something is off with them. This gives a lot of insight as to why. The book is structured well as it gives the professional point of view then that of the person in question. It’s well worth the read.

This is a powerful book, I have two copies in two languages to share with different friends. The touch of genius is to provide the abuser version, directed to him and indicating step by step how to proceed with the necessary abuse to control and subdue her. This is unique from this book, and is the most revealing piece of advice you can get. Basically, it solves the question: does he know that she is hurting with all this abuse? My dear friends, the answer is here: "OF COURSE HE KNOWS! He is doing it on purpose, in a deliberate way to achieve and maintain control over her. Enough said, thanks Dina!

This book "tells it like it is" . For years, I have listened to women make excuses for their abusive partner's behavior. I knew that they had been "brainwashed" and knew some of the techniques used to achieve this. But the book tells us step by step how this is achieved. Everyone who dates should read it.

Thank you to this book for putting into words what I have consistently experienced in relationship after relationship over the years. I hope I have internalized it to the extent that it will help me avoid making the same mistake yet again. Thank you for the revalidation of my sanity and the confirmation of strength I need to move forward. Dr. McMillan, I only wish I could sit in your office and pay you an hourly rate to guide me in my life. Thank you for your book.

I quite honestly thought this book was a load of rubbish, badly written and very bad advice. Didn't even bother to finish it.

I hope Dr McMillan will read this I was devastated when this book finished just as I felt I was learning about abusers the bookAbruptly ended. This book began as life saving but then didn't go on to give you the survival strategies. Recognising how abusive men target and select their targets was again life saving but having no real strategies for dealing with the abuser left me feeling even more afraid. The refuge and DV movement lacks one vital element which understandings how to get away permanently from the abuser once they have actually gained control of much of your life.This book is for women who have managed to get out early but for those of us who took too long to get out we need to understand the abusers attachment style so that we can go find strategies that will enable him to become disinterested enough to leave.I read this book in the sincere hope that it would give me strategies to deal with the post seperation abuse such as when he starts arguments in public designed to create a scene as a build up to greater emotional outbursts in public, with a premeditated planning that would if we were somewhere secluded result in his calling police or mental health services to punish me using services and claiming that I've gone crazy,This man has the desire to destroy not just my life but the lives of anyone who dares to trust him, his crazed narcissism revolves around the premeditated desire to harm anyone who comes into his personal sphere he uses victimhood to target the empathic and he is obsessed thereafter by the desire to destroy the unwary.We need more resources to understand abusive men, why they don't want to be left, how to dismantle the power structures that they entrap with, how to find out who and what they fear so that we know how we can use that to get away.I feel more trapped then ever because I'm still looking for that book that will allow me to either stand up and martial the support of services that can help me ensure that this monster is stopped for good or there needs to be a better refuge system that truly can assist women to disappear in the equivalent of a witness protection program.

This book confirms what you might have been thinking but refused to acknowledge. Although frightening, it clarifies how men manipulate women to their advantage.Everyone should be made aware that such men exist.The book is small enough to keep in your handbag for constant refereals so that you can be reminded that you should do your best to leave such an unhealthy relationship. It can give you courage, especially if you have been isolated and have no one to talk to about your situation.Thank you for this informative book.

Ignore the stupid name - it's a very helpful book.