The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

I purchased my first copy of “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” by Gary Chapman in 1992. After spotting him in North Carolina earlier this year, I decided to purchase the audiobook. Not only did I want to listen to Chapman read his book out loud, but I also wanted to digest his work through the lens of older, hopefully wiser, eyes. In a recent Bible study, someone brought up the verse about flattering lips. I thought this was an excellent segue into one of Chapman’s love languages—words of affirmation. Numerous people feel extraordinarily loved when they are appreciated. The other four primary love languages the author discusses are: gifts, physical touch, quality time, and acts of service. I especially appreciated Chapman’s chapters on applying the love languages when only one partner is interested in improving the relationship. He offers practical tips, encouragement, and step-by-step examples on how to gather your partner’s complaints, address their frustrations, and show them love, regardless of your or their love language. One addition I would have appreciated in Chapman’s reference to “Loving the Unlovely” would have been to address a hyper-critical spouse who refuses to offer words of affirmation or positive feedback. Chapman’s technique for improving a marriage relies on the other spouse responding. Regardless, Chapman’s technique has undoubtedly helped hundreds of struggling wives and husbands feel loved and experience a successful marriage. This classic is an excellent Bible Study resource for small groups, Bible studies, and couples. If you enjoyed “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate,” you may enjoy “For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men” by Shaunti Feldhahn and “For Men Only (Revised and Updated Edition): A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women” by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn.

I've read dozens of books on the psychology of relationships, but this is one of the best and most useful I've ever seen. Gary Chapman's unique concept of "The 5 Love Languages" (Affirmations, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Gifts, and Physical Touch) describes how knowing and using the 5 love languages can improve and deepen loving relationships, while misunderstanding them can cause harm. The information in this book is well-organized, easy to read and understand, and includes lots of stories that are not only interesting, but clearly illustrate the author's point. There is also a self-assessment tool at the end, plus links to additional info online. Dr. Chapman's basic concept is that "5 love languages" are commonly used in committed relationships to express love and affection toward one's partner. Chapman explains that loving couples can run into trouble if they don't know and understand their own dominant love language or that of their partner. A relationship can thrive if and when each person understands which specific love language is most important to themselves and also knows and honors their partner's most important way of receiving love, which is often different from their own. All 5 of the love languages are equally useful and valid; none are better or more preferred than any other. They simply reflect how an individual's unique needs, expectations, and personality are expressed by the ways they most want to receive love from their partner. Dr. Chapman devotes a chapter to each of "The 5 Love Languages" using stories from his practice as a licensed Marriage and Family Counselor to show the need for using the correct expressions of love and how using the wrong love language can damage an otherwise good relationship. For example, if a wife's dominant love language is affirmations (including compliments, encouragement, appreciation, and gratitude) but her husband doesn't understand how important these positive words are to her, he might think it's OK to tease her about her looks, accuse her of being lazy, or criticize her cooking. When she needs kind and supportive words but hears insults and put-downs instead, she will feel unloved, no matter what else he does to show he cares. He could surprise her with flowers, hug and kiss her when he comes home, fix the leaky faucet, or offer to take the kids to the park, but still, if he does not give her the words she needs, she will feel unappreciated and unfulfilled. On the other hand, if the husband's dominant love language is spending quality time with his wife, but his wife thinks that taking good care of the house & kids and cooking him a nice meal every night is the best way to show him her love, he will feel resentful and misunderstood. What he needs most is for her to set aside time for listening and sharing with him, for making plans, and spending quality time one-on-one. If she does not understand how important quality time is to him, that will damage their relationship. Having a weekly date night is probably the most important thing this couple could do to improve their marriage. "The 5 Love Languages" is written specifically for married couples, but the advice could easily be applied to ANY relationship, including family and friends. The author has written other books using the 5 languages concept, such as "The 5 Love Languages" for parents - how to express love to their children and teens. Some kids thrive on physical touch when young, but the kind of touch is likely to change when they become teens. Some kids rely on quality time with one or both parents, while others want more time alone but still need to hear lots of affirmations. I wish I had known about "The 5 Love Languages" when my kids were little, but now that they are grown I can still use what I've learned to improve all my relationships. Overall, this book is the real deal, both important and useful. I highly recommend "The 5 Love Languages" to anyone wanting to learn how to improve and express love in their relationships.

Muy recomendable para las parejas que desean aprender formas de comunicarse y comprenderse mejor. No soluciona todos los problemas, pero es de gran ayuda. Sobre todo, es útil para empezar o para continuar con el trabajo de pareja, porque sin un esfuerzo perseverante, inteligente y sensible, es difícil que una relación permanezca.

Ich habe "The 5 Love Languages" von Gary Chapman als Buchempfehlung in einer App entdeckt und kann dieses Buch wirklich nur jedem weiterempfehlen. Gary Chapman stellt in seinem Buch 5 zentrale "Liebessprachen" mit ihren Dialekten anhand von sehr verständlichen Patientenbeispielen und Problemstellungen dar, die wohl jeder aus seinem (Beziehungs-) Leben kennt. Mit Tipps am Ende jedes Kapitels und kleinen Tests am Ende des Buches lässt sich schnell erkennen, welche "Sprache" man selbst überwiegend spricht und welche der eigene Partner. Schon beim Lesen der einzelnen Kapitel erkennt man sich oftmals entweder sofort oder eben gar nicht wieder. Am Ende des Buches hat man so einen tollen Einblick in die Gedankenwelt des Partners - die Kernaussage ist nämlich, dass es darum geht, WIE man sich verhalten oder ausdrücken muss, damit sich DER ANDERE geliebt fühlt - oftmals verhalten wir uns so, wie wir selbst uns geliebt fühlen würden. Das ist nicht zwingend die Art des Partners. Tipp: Das Buch also am Ende mit dem Partner besprechen oder ihm auch zum Lesen geben. Gegenseitig zu wissen, wie man sich tatsächlich verhalten muss, damit der andere sich "geliebt" fühlt, ist spannend. Wer vor der englischsprachigen Version noch etwas zurück schreckt - das Buch ist sehr einfach geschrieben und auch gut verständlich, wenn man nicht jedes Wort kennt.

Very helpful reading. Can relate to most of what is written. Recommend to anyone of any age.

5 Love Languages book has been around for awhile. Read this when I was single and glad I did. Great book. Bought this one recently to give to a couple as an anniversay gift. 👍📚 Recommended

Me encanta este libro. Fácil lectura, ayuda a comprender más nuestras relaciones. Es una buena herramienta.