I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression Paperback – March 2, 1998

This really helped me understand some of my stoic husband's behaviors and why he acts like he does. It gave me insight into intergenerational issues that get passed down and how to break that legacy. This book was very engaging with great insights and examples of various men and what they struggled with and why, as well as the author sharing a lot about his own struggles with his Dad and how he had to work through his own demons to become the husband and father he is today. I highly recommend this book.

“Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression" by Terrence Real is a thorough and insightful examination of a depression and its accompanying stigmatized issue. Real delves into the often-overlooked topic of male depression with empathy and expertise, offering an exploration of how societal expectations of masculinity can obscure and exacerbate emotional struggles in men. The book combines personal anecdotes, clinical case studies, as well as cultural dynamics to illuminate the unique challenges men face in recognizing and addressing their mental health. Real's approach is both compassionate and practical, providing readers with valuable strategies for understanding and overcoming the hidden legacies of male depression. This book is an impressive read to gain understanding of male mental health, offering hope and practical guidance for those affected and their loved ones.

I strongly recommend this book, as it shares great insights about how males (and females) are socialized in our culture, and what the effects of this often are. It is also simply a really good read. It is gut wrenching at times, though, as he describes the incredible trauma that some of his patients have been through. The end of the book is amazing. I love his implied definition of what a man is: an adult male, nothing more, and nothing less.My criticisms:(1) I think he underestimates the role of biology, implying that it is all nurture and little nature. He does spend a very short of time on this issue very late in the book, finishing with the argument that even if a chunk of the behaviors are instinctive / hard-wired that it is no excuse for doing it anyway, that we are civilized and sentient, so should overcome it. I left still feeling he is badly underestimating it.(2) I believe he is dramatically overestimating the amount of covert male depression in the USA. I think he gave some very high figure for his estimate, which I found pretty hard to believe. This sort of overestimate is very common for advocates of social change, though -- they tend to come up with very high statistical estimates to grab peoples' attention (and to get funding).Overall a fine book, though!

My wife is reading the book and it is quite an eye opener for her. Women swim in a very different water than men. She always moaned about how "good" men had it over women. Then, from reading the book she has learned that men need to cut off half of themselves to be "real men". It leads to depression and a lack of supportive relationships as well as all sorts of dysfunction. Men sacrifice their emotions and ability to form supportive relationships while women are trained to discard agency and sexuality. Both have their trials and difficulties. This book lays it out for my wife who found the book revealing.

Mr. Real's personal and professional experiences infuse this terrific book with page-turning stories, research, case studies, and his assertions about the often overlooked reality and nuances of male depression. From the first sentence until the very last word, I found I simply could not put the book down. I was completely engaged by his conviction that male depression (and often female) is often a result of a combination of factors including genetics, and a child witnessing and interacting with alternating passive and active trauma by adults lacking appropriate shame throughout a person's life. This, combined with the narrow constraints of traditional masculine socialization further cuts a boy off from his own natural inheritance of a rich emotional inner world, resulting in covert/overt depression in men. Instead of healthy self-worth, he becomes either overtly depressed or covertly depressed (and acting out via addiction to substances or destructive behaviors). It is an often missed, misdiagnosed, and socially taboo topic, making it exceedingly difficult for a man to even be aware of his own feelings and certainly even of his own depression, and near impossible to ask for help for dread of shaming himself as less of a man. Mr. Real's work shines bright light on this dark and hidden mess, he makes a clear case for the need for healing and reconnection to the relational. Absolutely brilliant work. I found myself re-reading and taking notes and sharing it with others.

I bought this book awhile ago and have been putting off reading it, thinking I wouldn't really get much from it (as a female), but I could not have been more wrong. If you know a male, you can benefit from reading this book. If you know anyone who struggles with their emotions, addictions, mental health, place in life, their past, etc., you can benefit from reading this book. I'm sure you yourself could benefit from reading this book! We are a society of beings so detached from ourselves, so quick to place blame on others for making us feel how we feel. Everyone can benefit from reading this book. It helps you better understand yourself and others in such a profound way. Incredible job!

I just discovered this book. It describes me so well. It is so painful to read. But it also gives me some hope. Perhaps I can truly get a handle on this stuff. Perhaps I can make my way through the past as the author has. I feel his pain. He obviously knows my pain. Knowing us progress I guess. I am sad at the ending if the book, mostly because I never had a similar experience with my own father.