Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing: The powerful memoir from the beloved star of Friends Paperback – 25 Jun. 2024

Wow!For many years I'd heard that Matthew Perry had had serious problems with drugs and alcohol, but I was absolutely stunned by the intimate revelations contained in this audiobook. By any logic, Perry's substance abuse should have killed him by now: his twin addictions to liquor and opiates should have ended his life many years ago. It's an absolute miracle that the TV and movie star has made it to 53 years of age. Fortunately, Perry has survived for long enough to write and record this brilliant memoir. I found this audiobook to be utterly compelling: I listened to it all in just two days.This memoir is really two books in one. At one level it chronicles the life of a wannabe Canadian actor who migrates to Hollywood as a teenager and ends up living the American Fantasy, staring in the most commercially successful sit-com ever and making many millions of dollars. But on another level it's the sad and appalling tale of a deeply damaged human being who spends decades battling with his crippling addictions. This level was for me the most interesting.The book begins in 2018, when Matthew Perry experienced the worst day of his life.While living in a rehabilitation facility with his female "sober companion" Perry suddenly experiences crippling stomach pains. The actor instantly realises that something is seriously wrong. After defying the facility's staff, who believe the actor is just faking it as an excuse to leave and get high, Perry is rushed into a local hospital by his companion. While there, his colon "explodes" and he ends up in a two-week induced coma. He will eventually be required to wear a colostomy bag for months. The colon problem was caused, of course, by his drug and alcohol addictions. It's this incident that finally causes Perry to for-once-and-for-all confront his demons.Perry then takes us back to his childhood, which is, of course, the cause of all his troubles. Soon after Perry's 1969 birth in Massachusetts to a Canadian mother and an American Father, the future actor's parents relocate to Ottawa, Canada, where Perry spends his next 15 years. Sadly, Perry's parents divorce before their child's first birthday and the father decides to return to the United States. John Perry heads for Hollywood, hoping to make it big as an actor.Back in Canada, Matthew Perry leads an unremarkable life: he's an average student but does become a decent tennis player, good enough to be ranked nationally. He has his first drink at 14 and instantly falls in love with alcohol. His mother remarries and has four children with her new husband. Matthew now becomes the outsider in the new family unit; he also begins to argue bitterly with his mother. The foundations of his self-destructive life have been laid.Aged 15, Perry decides to join his father in California. He had been routinely visiting John from the age of 5, always travelling alone as an "unaccompanied minor" because his parents couldn't stand the sight of each other. Perry is traumatised by those long, lonely flights to this day, he states. The unhappy child being shuttled back and forth across the North American continent grows up to be the unhappy adult who feels unlovable and who is terrified of commitment. Like many thousands of others who go to Hollywood, Matthew Perry decides that one day he is going to be rich and famous and even kneels down and prays to God for it to happen. For some reason Perry believes that fame and money will fill the "hole" inside him. Later, he discovers that it absolutely won't.After years of minor roles and failed projects, in 1994 Perry finally hits the big time with Friends. Suddenly, he and his 5 other co-stars are the most famous faces on television. But his life soon begins to fall apart. After a minor accident Perry quickly develops an addiction to prescription opiates, which, coupled with his long-term dependency on alcohol, causes his life to spiral out of control. Soon, his ability to lead anything remotely like a normal existence is severely affected. Perry's weight fluctuates and he is reduced to filming his movies and TV shows between stints in rehab. At one point he has to abandon the shooting of a film because he is too sick with his addictions.Like I stated earlier, this memoir is really two books in one. Perry's recollections provide a fascinating insight into the American entertainment world of the Eighties, Nineties and beyond. The unknown Perry of the pre-Friends days scrambles around Hollywood looking for any acting work while drinking and partying with his young buddies. At times he and his pals are down to their last few dollars. But when mega-fame comes, jealousies quickly emerge. One of Perry's closest friends abandons him and he doesn't see him again for two years. Perry also senses resentment from his own father. And just how much luck played a part in Perry winning the role of Chandler Bing will amaze you.But the addiction part of the book is fascinating too. Sometimes this memoir reads like an odyssey of rehabilitation institutions. Perry has travelled from as far Switzerland to Utah and all over the US in his search for a cure to his problems. The actor estimates that he has spent in excess of 7 million US dollars on therapy and his stays at various rehabilitation units. He is very bitter at this, at one point questioning their usefulness and railing against their greed. His illness has cost him a considerable chunk of his fortune.The book ends on a positive note. At the time of finishing the writing of the memoir, in early 2022, Perry has been clean for some time. He has even managed to kick smoking after his doctor warned him that he was risking developing emphysema by the age of 60. The actor still lives with the sober companion and spends much of his time helping other addicts and campaigning for better understanding and help for other people with substance abuse problems. Sadly, Perry has never married nor had any children. The actor's chronic inability to commit to a woman is highlighted throughout the book. Over-and-over-again during his adult life he has dumped girlfriends, convinced that they were about to leave him anyway. The agony of being abandoned by a woman is something his delicate psyche just can't cope with, and so he won't risk it. He even dumped Julia Roberts! This self-loathing is the key to understanding Perry's addictive personality: he just doesn't love himself enough.This is a superb memoir. It's brutally honest and very insightful. Worryingly, Perry's voice on the audiobook is that of an old, weary man. The actor sounds like someone in his seventies rather than a person of just 53. And recent pictures of Perry are shocking: he looks nothing like the beautiful young screen performer who was a heartthrob to millions of girls in the Nineties and the early part of this century. The drugs and alcohol have taken a devastating long-term toll on his health.But at least he's still alive.

The book arrived on time and in great condition—no issues at all with the product. As for the content, Matthew Perry’s story is both eye-opening and deeply personal. It’s a powerful, honest read that gives real insight into his life, struggles, and moments of humor. Definitely recommended if you're a fan or just curious about his journey. Very interesting and well written.

Like most of the world I had watched Friends and I was upset to hear about Matthew Perry’s passing. This book is terribly bittersweet because we know the unwritten Epilogue. But it is a honest and raw account of one man’s addiction and attempts to gain sobriety. At times it was a hard read, it felt like it was repeating and repeating itself, which was what he did. I found the narrative confusing at times but it was interesting and well written and an example of what we have lost.

This is an astonishing memoir. It’s raw, open, and doesn’t hold anything back, giving you a real look into the actor’s life. It is brutally honest. He shares everything, no matter how difficult or uncomfortable, which makes it feel really personal. A real, unfiltered look at Matthew Perry’s journey, full of moments that are both tough and thought-provoking.

A very good book. I wanted to rate this book 4.5 stars but for me it definitely deserves a round up instead of down. If you are expecting a funny book, you might be dissapointed. There is some dark humour to take away some of the darkness Matthew Perry has faced. The shines a light the much misunderstanding disease that is addiction.The only complaint I had about this book is that it jumps around time periods a lot. For me it makes it a bit hard to follow, that is the only reason I considered taking a star off.I was not the biggest Friends fan, but it was almost impossible not know about it. I was always drawn to Chandler Bing. It was probobly him being the funny guy trying to fit in to the cool crowd, snd me bring the weird guy trying to fit in anywhere. They say certain actors are born to play certain characters, as it is their natural personality dialed up to 11. In this case Chandler Bing is the toned down PG version of the real Matthew Perry. Perry is literally Bing on steroids.This a Perry's story, his family, friends, relationships, mistakes, redemptions and courage. Yes this book is about addictions, how dangerous and damaging they can be to someone. However Perry does not use his addictions as an excuse to his behaviour. He talks openly about his thought processes as he does what he did. He faces up to his mistakes and (makes md think) genuinely want to make amends for hus mistakes. He does fall a number of times but he does not stay down.This a great book, that I think will genuinely help people if only for them to know that are not the only ones facing addiction problems and not yo give up. This is not a behind the scenes book of Friends. There is no big cast gossip. This is a book about issues, courage and redemption.

It was so interesting to learn about the man who has brought joy to my life since my early teens. It's a really heartbreaking read with regards to what he has been through.However, I have struggled my way through reading the book because it is so terribly written. It jumps from time to time, repeats things, and is basically chaotic in structure.I love Matthew Perry, I love to read and I always finish a book. But I really nearly gave up part way through. The worst bit is that now I've finished it, I almost regret not giving up ages ago.A re-write would improve this. .