Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness, Updated 2021 Edition Paperback – April 22, 1997

There are 96 reviews of Conversationally Speaking on Amazon, and 95 of them are positive. They have titles like "Saved my son!," "Excellent book," "Great book," and "The techniques work." Give it a look, it's quite remarkable. Myself, I read the book to work on confidence, and I am much less shy nowadays thanks to the things I learned.There is one review here that is negative, and as luck would have it, it's placed first. It condemns the book as a "pickup book"- I suppose some of us could use some help in that regard so I'm not sure what's so wrong. And it simultaneously "exudes feelings of homophobia" without giving any examples.Two of the most famous psychologists have given endorsements on the cover of this book. Aaron Beck, MD, University Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania, wrote, "Conversationally Speaking is of great value for people who want to sharpen their skills in interpersonal relations. I routinely recommend it." And Dr. Albert Ellis, the founder of the Cognitive Therapy school of psychology, who is followed by 4000 psychologists and counselors, calls it on the cover "An exceptionally clear, highly effective book on conversational skills."They say that if there is a heaven, there'll still be some people who will have complaints about it. I think our critic here is such a person.

I ordered this book about 3 months ago and, as recommended in chapter one, I've been reading a chapter at a time, then trying out the suggestions. So far, with very minor changes in my behavior, I've seen very positive results.I think that to say this book is for wallflowers only is superior and misleading. (I don't know anyone who couldn't polish up their social act a bit.)Inwardly I have anxiety relating to people, sometimes mild or moderate, sometimes severe, but outwardly people tell me I seem extremely friendly and at ease. I'm not a mute or stammering wallflower. And I'm finding the suggestions in this book useful and interesting.I noticed that I was tending to monopolize conversations, partially I think as a nervous habit. I wanted to be a better listener. This book shows you how to ask the kind of questions that put people at ease and help them open up and share their most interesting stories. Also tips on body language, how to give compliments without triggering knee-jerk modest responses, and how the talk yourself through moments of self-doubt. All good, basic strategies. I feel secure knowing these techniques are based on statistical evidence and clinical study of how people react and behave.Sometimes the sample dialogue is hockey; you have to dismiss the seemingly 50's style lingo and focus on the technique being illustrated (e.g. follow up a compliment with a related open-ended question). I think this book will help people who want to cultivate warm, comfortable relationships and feel more socially at ease and effective.

The information that you'll learn in this book works. I have only read the first and part of the second chapter and I'm already seeing my social life changing as I'm practicing the techniques that the author is sharing. How could it all be so accessible? Is what I've been thinking for the few days I've been reading this book and practicing the ideas. I should say that most of my life I've dealt with a crippling anxiety as it relates to my relations with other people. It's more intense at some times than at others but it's always present. I would cringe in paralyzing fear at the prospect of starting a conversation with someone or even just saying 'hi, how're you doing' to them made my head spin in pain. I couldn't accept someones invitation to go out, or even hang out on my own turf, because I felt that I just didn't know how to "be." Some would say I had social phobia. But I feel all this changing and this is deep for me. And from that premise I would have to recommend this book to anyone who's reasons for purchasing are similar or less strenuous than mine. It's a great book for anyone who just has that sense that they are not a part and that they view life from a distance and periphery instead of being actively involved in it. I see a lot of improvement in my near future based on using the principles presented in this book. Thank you to the author.

"Conversationally Speaking" was a great book. It taught me some great ideas about the architecture of conversation, such as how to ask questions, use active listening, take advantage of free information, and disagree with others. The book is concise and easy to understand, and the information is valuable to anyone who wants to know how to converse effectively.

Great read but didn't really help me. If you can't have conversations then this is the book for you. Another note if you have issues with expressing emotion this is not the book for you. Out dated too.

I am always on the lookout for books to help me master conversion. This was full of simple actionable tips to be better at starting or keeping a conversation going. My favorite part was how to handle criticism.

This book is a good read and I definitely picked up a few tips. However, the focus is more on small talk. I was hoping for a bit more on communication between casual friends, family, co-workers, etc. Alan Garner focuses mainly on how to initiate conversations with strangers and acquaintances.I'd definitely buy the book if you want to improve your conversations skills as he does present some good advice.